M U L A N

 "I need you to promise me that you will stay alive no matter what." "It's not fair if you're not doing the same thing." "Till the never after I promise you that." "Promise."

It's been a while I've been clean and sober. To be honest, I don't like it. Because it feels too normal without having any drastic changes of my bipolar mood.  It's too quiet without the voices inside my head.  It's been awfully empty without having to hear Jaja or Irzd.  I'm scared. Terrified of losing Jaja and Irzd. They've been with me since 2015. They kept me safe from others. They love me when no one else does. They're my knights.  I don't want to lose them.  If this what being free feels. I don't want it. Without the chaos, I don't know who I truly am.  I just don't know who I am.  And I fear that.