M U L A N

I guess I keep depend on my friends. To be honest, I don't really have much friends in real life. I do have friends but not quite close that I can count on them every time when I need someone. But I do have friends that I only met through social medias. There's Alnilam, Polaris, Atria. I gave them names tho because it fits them personally. It has been years I have known them. I met Atria once back in 2019. Perhaps there will be the time that I will meet Alnilam and Polaris. Eventually. I have known AJ also through social media and he's been a good friend to me and inspire me to keep on surviving with the mental illness that I have. Not to forget, when people doesn't show up, Jaja (Am) and Irzd will show up. They never left in the first place. Always watching out for me. I hope one day I can follow them, Leaving this shit mess place.

Jaja always said that no one can be the better friend except our own self. People aren't going to stay with us forever. Funny things about human is, they only care when they can take advantage on you.  Life is cruel and to keep on living is tiring. Death is easy, yet it's so hard to keep killing yourself. Having this mental illness suffocates me. They won't leave. The pain never leave. I hate myself when I had to deal another relapse. Fcking hate it. I know the cause that will trigger me yet I still keep on doing it until everything explode.