Empty Smile



I always ask to myself "Why I can't be normal like everyone else?" , "Why me?"
And I don't have the answer.

It was hard for me to go through everything
My life isn't perfect, but it's complete catastrophic.

I have been keeping it all by myself since I was 10.
And now when everything burst, I started to lose control.
By hook or by crook I need to admit that I need help.

I took my cutter from pencil case
Was wondering how would it feels to have blood dripping out
I started to cut because of curiosity.

My mom didn't know when I went to see doctor
She doesn't has a clue what is going on with my life

I was diagnosed with Adjustment Depression Disorder
And I was given Lexapro 10mg.
That was 26 June 2019.

I thought I was getting better
But I am far from better

I keep banging my head to the wall, punching the wall, cut my wrist
I just can't resist from doing harms to myself.

I have so many scars and I keep it hidden pretty good
Because I am scared of what others might think of it.
I really had enough when people making fun of my weight.

Last September I had another suicide attempt.
I got admitted for five days.
Been diagnosed with MDD, Cyclothymia and Bulimic Nervosa.

My life just become worse.
Heh.


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