Lowest point

 I'm not strong enough. 

Not strong enough to endure the pain. How I wish every single day for death. 


I'm such a selfish person.

I still want to leave everything behind. Family and friends. This world is too much. 


Jaja,

How come you never visit me anymore? Is it because you stop care about me? I miss you. Too much.


Atria,

You told me to block those bad memories that keep tear me apart. Even I try it, those memories keep haunting me. Keep remind me and never let me go. After all, our brains don't work like memory chip where we only keep what we wants only.


Polaris,

I know we don't talk anymore but it's okay. 


Alnilam,

I just wanna say sorry if I'm not the same person like you used to know.I hope you won't hate me for who I am now.


Irzd,

Where the hell have you been? Please come by and drag Jaja too.


AJ,

One thing that I learned from you, I learned to forget about you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Chapter : Where do we go now?

It’s April and this is my first post for this year. I’ve been away for almost 7 months and now I’m back.  Before 2024 starts,  I reconsidered to give life another chance. I don’t know if that’s what I truly wanted but I promised my friends that I would try again. And so I did.  It’s challenging to be honest. Well, life isn’t supposed to be easy. I know that.  Two or three weeks ago, I had a major relapse. The second time I relapse this year. One was in January. And the second time was in March.  Ever since my first relapse in January, I barely recognised myself. I felt numb. I started to forget things and it affects my work. I um became a workaholic which was worse for me.  I didn’t get the rest that I needed. That’s when I have countless near death encounters. Especially when I drive to work. I stop talking to my friends.  I pushed people away. That’s what I do when I’m not okay.  I know I should ask for help. I know that it’s okay for wanting help but I was ignorant. I thought that i
Read more

Loss & Grieving

Hey Siri, please play How Do I Say Goodbye by Dean Lewis.   I still remember the first time I lost a family member. I was six at that time and I lost my baby brother. I didn’t know what grief is like. I asked my mother, where is he going and she replied, “he’s going to your grandma.”   I just nodded, pretend like I understand what she said. I was just six.   When I was eight, I lost my paternal grandma. I still remember my mother had a call from my aunt saying that my grandma is dead. We departed at midnight and the journey took us almost 8 hours. I was only eight. I still didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t go to her funeral. I didn’t even get the chance to see her. I was eight and I’m still don’t know what grief and loss is.   And when I was nine, I lost my maternal grandpa. I was nine and I somehow, I the feeling of losing your family member. When he’s gone, I have this void and I figured it must be grieving. I was there when he was dying. I was there during his
Read more