I have stopped writing Eth a long time ago. Every time I went there, all I could feel was emptiness. I don't think I can write without inspiration, Especially when l've lost my muse. Truth be told, I want to go back to Eth. I want to be where I belong, But how can I go home without my muse?
Wow I haven’t posted anything in a while. Gosh I have so much to say but words seems to disappear whenever I try to write. Not sure if it’s because of me slowly forgetting or losing my muse. Or it was because that I’m losing my sanity and there’s no way I can get it back. You know it has been 5 years since the diagnosed and 18 years since the start of everything. I’m still questioning myself am I doing the right thing. To be present now. Is this really what I want? Am I going to get through this or not. Will I ever be content enough. I don’t have the answer.
Back then I didn't know. How you truly feel about everything. I could feel your pain, but I couldn't understand it. I was confused when you did what you did. All I could think was my feelings and not yours. Years later, As I'm walking down the memory lane I look over the old pictures. I reread the old letters. That's when I started to understand everything. You're still traumatized by your past. That's why you're afraid of being abandoned by the people you care. That's why you choose to leave first before they do. I know there's a big void in your heart. You tried to fill it. But no matter how hard you try, it keeps getting bigger and bigger. You start to lose hope, and slowly sabotage yourself. I know sometimes you think that the world would be better off without you. But you're wrong. When you start to drown, you're saved by your friends. The people that still have faith in you. No matter how hard you try to shut them out, they never did g...
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