Somewhere in May

 May 2023


I did not realise that I haven't update much since January. Well long story short, my life has been like a rollercoaster.

I'm still trying to stay alive but lately I just don't have the energy to do so. I tried so hard to escape from this madness. This mental maze. No matter how hard I tried, I just don't see the end of the line, hence the repeating failure and relapses.

My doctor has increased the dosage to 300 mg. But that 300 mg of Quetiapine Fumarate doesn't help at all. I'm still haunted by all those nightmares and the voices. Day and night. Sometimes I see things which I know that I'm probably hallucinated.

I am so freaking tired. I don't even recognised my face when I see my face every time I look at the mirror. That pale face and dark circles under those eyes. Even my social battery drained like I haven't recharge, All I want to do just lay down and close my eyes

I want to be free from this mess
I want to stop crying like a little girl
I don't want to be suicidal every single time
I just want the pain to go away

Because I can't keep going on and pretend that everything will be alright.

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